Ka-P.O.W.!

O P I N I O N

Before Sen. John McCain made his acceptance speech tonight at the Republican National Convention, the arena went dark. Former presidential candidate Fred Thompson read dramatically McCain’s own words. And then, the candidate himself stepped out onto the stage. In case you missed the speech, here’s the “in a nutshell” version:

Waving flag.
Growing up Navy. Lovin’ the military.
“You can’t turn a blind eye to threats.”
“I’m not afraid.”
“I’m prepared.”
“I hate war.”
Odd inappropriate laughter when he talks about being captured in Vietnam.
What I learned as a P.O.W.
“Fight with me! Fight with me!”
As Gov. Palin joins him on stage, the song “Barracuda” blasts from loudspeakers.
Balloons & confetti

Other observations:

• I saw 18 people of color in the audience during his speech.
• At least five protesters interrupted his train of thought. One held the poster “McCain votes against vets”; some of the women stripped to reveal pink outfits. Code Pinkers, no doubt.
• Trig was not within spitting distance of Piper.

Cerberus unleashed

O P I N I O N

A two-headed beastie was unleashed at the Democratic Party ticket tonight. And it did a lot of biting below the belt.
     So much for the high road.
     I love how former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani was introduced as “the honorable.” (Tell that to Donna Hanover!) And when he came out, he was carrying a big-ass fungo bat aimed right at Obama’s kneecaps. He must have spent the last week rewinding Sen. Hillary Clinton’s tapes from the debates and her campaign, because he borrowed much of her critiques to slam her former opponent. Ow!
     All the while he’s getting down and snarky, behind him is a gleaming photo of the NYC skyline, sans the Twin Towers of course. Now I’m not going to take away from how Giuliani rose to the occasion that day and helped his city keep its cool, but as the friend of one of the victims in the towers, I find it extremely offensive to use his death for political leverage. It’s curious that the GOP would bring in this iconography, because if the so-called commander in chief had been paying attention when “the system was blinking red” instead of jess relaxin’ Crawford-style, then maybe my friend would be alive today. And maybe he’d be a father — something he really wanted.
     I loved it when Giuliani said that Gov. Palin was more experienced than the entire Democratic ticket combined. Maybe in sled dog years.
     Then the “hockey mom” took the podium. We’re a typical family with ups and downs, she pleads. (Pregnant unwed daughter, husband with DWI record, her own investigation for abuse of power in the firing of her no-good brother-in-law, and, oh yeah, they eat moose meat. Trés typical household.) But all her sweetness and proud-to-be-a-mom-of-a-kid-goin’-to-Iraq-on-(what a coincidence!)Sept.-11 nicety melted away when she lunged at the very core of Obama’s perceived ego. That’s some set of canine teeth she was displaying! And the GOP pack lapped it right up. Yum, fresh kill!
     The Dems will have a heck of a fight against this ticket. It’s like a political Fight Club, the only rule is that there are no rules!

Tonight’s observations:

• Number of people of color seen in the audience over an hour: 8 (or 9, if you count that Palin’s hubby is, of course, part Eskimo.)
• The whole cowboy hat thing is supposed to signify a maverick, as in what they’ve branded McCain, I guess. Everytime I see them though, I think W.
• Wouldn’t you know that Palin’s sister owns a service station. This is like a script from a Robert Altman film!
• The night’s yuck factor: When Piper Palin, an adorable little girl, licked her palm and used her spit to slick down baby Trig’s hair.

Poke in a Pig’s Eye

O P I N I O N

I tuned into the first hour of the Republican National Convention tonight. Here are a few observations:

• If it weren’t for a Catholic church there, St. Paul would be called Pig’s Eye. No comment on that choice for the RNC venue.
• In the hour I watched, I counted 17… SEVENTEEN!… people of color in the audience. That’s a bit too Aryan nation, don’t you think?
• The first film of the evening invoked the spirit of Lincoln (take that you upstart from Illinois!) and other presidents and leaders of note. The Applause-O-Meter registered the following tally:
  MOST <– Reagan, W, Lincoln, MLK –> LEAST
• Two of the 17 people of color I saw were the girls Cindy McCain rescued from Mother Teresa’s orphanage. Did you know the McCain’s adopted a daughter named Bridget from Bangladesh? First time I’d heard of her, too.
• The women at this convention are so very Stepford. That local congresswoman actually welcomed the delegates to “the land of Minnesota nice.” Pass the valium cocktails, hon.
   

Moldy Peaches to play at the RNC

O P I N I O N

Anyone else suspect that the Republican National Committee is pushing the “Juno” ticket?

     McCain’s VP choice, Sarah Palin, has a newborn with Down Syndrome. At the announcement, her oldest daughter Bristol was carrying Trig.  Then rumors came out that, ala “Desperate Housewives,” that Sarah faked her pregnancy to cover up that Bristol was carryingTrig. Now that rumor has been squashed by the latest truth put forth: Bristol is five months preggers by a young lad named Levi.
     So if McCain & Palin win, and her daughter goes into labor on inauguration day, what will be her choice?
     Of course the RNC is pushing the release of rumors about this sordidness on the DNC. From Reuters;”A senior McCain official said its camp had no evidence that the campaign of Democrat Barack Obamawas pushing the story, but said the blog rumors circulating on websites that appeared to support Obama had the effect of being “a real anchor around the Democratic ticket.” Obama refuted that idea. “”We don’t go after people’s families. We don’t get them involved in the politics. It’s not appropriate and it’s not relevant. Our people were not involved in any way in this and they will not be. And if I ever thought there was somebody in my campaign that was involved in something like that, they’d be fired,” Obama said.”
     In any case, I think it would be appropriate to ask The Moldy Peaches to play at the Republican Convention. Don’t you?